For almost a week now I have been thriving in a familiar but long forgotten pool of self-pity. I've been sitting at my computer unable to kick myself up and talk to anyone or be funny, cheerful, pleasant and alive.
When I was younger, this was more fun. It was more of a 'thing'. You could imagine you were crazy,different, intelligent, fucked up, no one understands you, oh wow that song is like MY LIFE man. We used to drink and thrive in our self imposed misery.
Now it's more annoying. I want to stop feeling like shit, so I can study, sleep, read, and just not have my head hurt. I know the way to end this is to laugh, look pretty, exercise and implement that 'life is what you make it' bullshit, but I just can't right now.
I don't feel unhappy, just sad and restless and unbelievably lethargic.
Today a man insisted on holding an umbrella over my head as I waited for an auto in the rain outside college because he told me that his daughter had died of hemorrhage a week ago. Being in Dilli and from Dilli, I was immediately suspicious of even this story, until I saw him wiping his tears on his sleeve. So I let him hold the umbrella over my head for half an hour, not knowing at all what to say the whole time.
That umbrella story is so strange. And sad, and unexpected like Delhi sad.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel like shit please. I'm still in zombie phase now since I can't think of a fucking word to write and am complaining to B about how much economic history sucks. I can't even think of being sad right now. Last night/this day was so bad that when I finally slept at 2pm and woke up at 6 I still thought it was yesterday. I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm not built for this academic stuff.
And I just knew you had written, again.
The trick to feeling better is asking yourself "What would Troy&Abed do?"
Dude if you could be around all the time we'd do as Troy and Abed do. At least you're doing your shit, I'm still staring at the fish tank.
ReplyDeleteI already got one zero today. Uff.
god what a bunch of sad sacks. :P
ReplyDeletethis should either totally cheer you up or horrendously depress you - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzlNFcT2aOE&ob=av2e
The uploader is a playa hater who has blocked it from our country. Thanks a lot first world.
ReplyDeleteBtw bro, it's 1135 am and I have had 3 hours of sleep again! (That's 6 in the last 2 days?) and I'm still writing the muthafuckin tutorial. AND I just found out my class got canceled. Ahahahahaahah. But I still have to send it though. Economic history is the bane of my existence.
I found a new way for you to get un-sad (in Zombieland we don't feel sadness, we just drink coffee and write and write with dry eyes). Just imagine that whenever you're really sad, Shaun pops out with Saigal Blues playing on his phone ,looking haggard like he did when he used to come from his college and we all are standing around drunk off our asses and saying "haiiiii" and "dard ki na hai dawai" etc. :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggeXD6hbhSM&feature=related
ReplyDeleteHaha thanks bro that is the happiest sad image in the WORLD.
ReplyDeleteSap I've heard that, my seven year old cousin loves it. Your sarcasm is wasted on me, I hope you know.
bet s/he loves the 'even the white kids' part. so where are you going to grad school at, vani?
ReplyDeletewhat are they having you read for econ history?
ReplyDeleteOh my god V tell him already!
ReplyDeletesorry for hijacking your comments section
ReplyDelete