I am letting go of all fear of being a horrible writer/blogger/whatever in this sea of amazing bloggers and just going for it.
I joined Tehelka Three months back. My passionate loathing for college made me feel like it was more and more important to me. I often wanted to stage a 'quit,turn my phone off, get drunk- WOW what an amazingly maverick thing to do' episode but mostly I was convinced out of it by a friend and colleague or the fact that I haven’t been paid. Sitting in the smoking room surrounded by Chidambaram, painted faced Tibetan monks, a very pretty girl with an extremely pensive look from idunnowhere and various other intense Tehelka covers I began to realise the meaning of the bigger picture.
This Thursday was not unlike any other. First there was college-the fucking missionary from hell itself-the place I hate more than anything or anyone I have ever loved...and then there was work-which scared me.
College is a weird place. Everyday I walk in feeling nothing, except sleepy, and I walk out feeling like crap. Not angry, not vengeful...just like shit. I don't know what it is I hate about the place. Maybe it's the constant smell of powder, or the complete absence of a male population. Waving a peace sign at all feminist theories, I would like to say that a world full of women is simply a BAD IDEA.
I was nothing but a mere player in the world that is a stage.
Everyday when I felt in walking like crap because I don't have boots like that girl/I don't have a boyfriend who makes me feel 'special'/ Am i not supposed to be having more sex in college?/everyone has more friends than me/I have been working out for a year and I am STILL not as thin as that girl(again)/everyone has more friends than me -
I would get reminded of the universe.
I would get reminded of the universe.
Of the world of joy,sorrow,love,hatred,beauty,apathy,miracle,tragedy,revolution.I began to realize that I was born in a time and age where I could have an opinion,where I could listen to all different types of music, where I could travel everywhere in the world and as corny as it sounds- where I could make a difference. The life of a 'just turned adult' is a tough one-full of dilemmas. Everything of importance is deemed as irrelevant and we are told to 'grow up'.
Watching Tarun Tejpal stare at me out of a poster asking me to TELL THE TRUTH, I decided that I was sick of being a rebel without a cause.Sitting around hoping I was something else or someone else was not a solution. All i could do was life MY life, in whichever way was best.
Like the absolutely divine Robert Plant sings- I would live for my dream and a pocketful of gold.
Here's to nothing.
OR...Everything.
