I know I've said this before but I REALLY want to get rid of the black and orange. I think I'm going to make some blog and life changes tonight. Now I'm going to write an 'its exam time' paragraph(!!). (and my loyal friend is going to be here any minute connecting with my laziness and promoting our prided stupidity)
It's exam time and all I've done all day is listen to itunes radio (DID YOU KNOW THEY HAD OVER 365 CHANNELS FOR EACH GENRE??) and lie around in different beds in the house. Then I proceeded to sulk and yell at my sister because she's been working like a dog on something called a body scape for over ten hours. I console myself as I see my eighteen year old sister finishing assignments and waking up on time by believing that I am automatic smarter than a fashion school student as I live in the realms of philosophy and unknowable meaning.
Then I occupied hours of my day by dreaming about travelling to Europe and magically being able to write well and falling in love and claiming the love I have already fallen in. I ate from my precious box of chocos that I share with no one.
But it's not all bad.
I've been thinking about working for a year, I've bookmarked tabs of universities on my google chrome, and drafted emails to my ex-editor to ask her if I could be employed again. I have changed my desktop wallpaper from Foucault to Kerouac to Beckett. I have day-dreamed about various jobs-environmental lawyer, political journalist, supercool professor, comedian, movie star, revolutionary.
My uncertainty in real life flows into blog life and as I look through my drafts, all I can feel is sheepish.
A couple of days back my friend Fish and I went to another friend Jess's grand-aunt's prayer meeting. Jess is Fish's girlfriend and despite being told he didn't need to go he was determined to as an effort on the good boyfriend part. We sat in church, trying to catch up with the hyms and reading them as everyone else chanted. There we were, two young students, one who believed the world could be solved by logic and the other believing that life was without meaning and faith was just another way to fill a void. We left not-so-quietly, smoked cigarettes, drank horrible coffee and bounced off each other's energy for a while before we left for home. While driving back I stuck my head out of the window in the rain and for a rare twenty minutes everything seemed perfect. I noticed how horribly inappropriate it was regarding the days past events. But Delhi was having one of its good days. I smiled to myself while driving remembering the theory of transient happiness I was trying to explain to Fish in our quest to pretend like we were in Coffee and Cigarettes. That any happiness was transient and arbitrary, it stems from a glimpse of beauty, that we on our part try to preserve in the hope that it will last forever. We refuse to recognize the inevitability that it is momentary. Which is why we live in despair. Attempting to stretch love, joy and ecstasy throughout time, looking for it wherever we go.
I don't know much but doing a choreographed dance in your room alone can solve anything. FACT.
It's exam time and all I've done all day is listen to itunes radio (DID YOU KNOW THEY HAD OVER 365 CHANNELS FOR EACH GENRE??) and lie around in different beds in the house. Then I proceeded to sulk and yell at my sister because she's been working like a dog on something called a body scape for over ten hours. I console myself as I see my eighteen year old sister finishing assignments and waking up on time by believing that I am automatic smarter than a fashion school student as I live in the realms of philosophy and unknowable meaning.
Then I occupied hours of my day by dreaming about travelling to Europe and magically being able to write well and falling in love and claiming the love I have already fallen in. I ate from my precious box of chocos that I share with no one.
But it's not all bad.
I've been thinking about working for a year, I've bookmarked tabs of universities on my google chrome, and drafted emails to my ex-editor to ask her if I could be employed again. I have changed my desktop wallpaper from Foucault to Kerouac to Beckett. I have day-dreamed about various jobs-environmental lawyer, political journalist, supercool professor, comedian, movie star, revolutionary.
My uncertainty in real life flows into blog life and as I look through my drafts, all I can feel is sheepish.
A couple of days back my friend Fish and I went to another friend Jess's grand-aunt's prayer meeting. Jess is Fish's girlfriend and despite being told he didn't need to go he was determined to as an effort on the good boyfriend part. We sat in church, trying to catch up with the hyms and reading them as everyone else chanted. There we were, two young students, one who believed the world could be solved by logic and the other believing that life was without meaning and faith was just another way to fill a void. We left not-so-quietly, smoked cigarettes, drank horrible coffee and bounced off each other's energy for a while before we left for home. While driving back I stuck my head out of the window in the rain and for a rare twenty minutes everything seemed perfect. I noticed how horribly inappropriate it was regarding the days past events. But Delhi was having one of its good days. I smiled to myself while driving remembering the theory of transient happiness I was trying to explain to Fish in our quest to pretend like we were in Coffee and Cigarettes. That any happiness was transient and arbitrary, it stems from a glimpse of beauty, that we on our part try to preserve in the hope that it will last forever. We refuse to recognize the inevitability that it is momentary. Which is why we live in despair. Attempting to stretch love, joy and ecstasy throughout time, looking for it wherever we go.
I don't know much but doing a choreographed dance in your room alone can solve anything. FACT.
