The amount of things you can do on the internet when not logged into Facebook is just amazing. I deactivated my account (probably temporarily), even after I was given the heartbreaking news that a few people will 'miss me', and after sending in another abusive message on the reasons section which will only be ignored by Zuckerberg and his entourage of devils. I have finally got at least two hours of studying today after days of dirty lounging in my round chair watching gossip girl-unable to get over Chuck's insanity and Nate's stupidity.
Thank god for Yale's free online lectures so lesser mortals like me can be provided with a little Ivy league hospitality.
Paradise Lost is the only part of my course I have studied yet mostly because I love it and it is so beautiful and frustrating at the same time.
Studying the arts gives you the impression that you have learnt something mind altering, that most people cannot comprehend or understand, even if you try and explain it to them. We go on with this incentive and vague idea of supremacy. What is also absurd and inviting about theory is that there is no definitiveness, no measurement, no right or wrong, no solidity, nothing that is wholly, real.
Studying the arts gives you the impression that you have learnt something mind altering, that most people cannot comprehend or understand, even if you try and explain it to them. We go on with this incentive and vague idea of supremacy. What is also absurd and inviting about theory is that there is no definitiveness, no measurement, no right or wrong, no solidity, nothing that is wholly, real.
Idle youth
Enslaved to everything,
By being too sensitive
I have wasted my life.
-Arthur Rimbaud
By being too sensitive
I have wasted my life.
-Arthur Rimbaud
I want to go to Paris. I want to read in the winter sun. I want to study in a fancy school one day with ancient buildings and hot professors, the kind that know a million languages and tell you things in a lecture that make you go 'Oh man why didn't I think of that!!'. I want to dance at a shaadi. I want to go to the Metallica concert in Delhi in October with my friends and be all "Make room for St Anger MOTHERFUCKAAAAS" just to be thirteen years old again. I want new clothes and shoes. And maybe a bag. And a hat. I want to drink neat whiskey really slowly. I also want to cycle in the mountains and drink beer in the sea. I want to sing old hindi songs loudly in a car. Unfortunately, I also want to do well in my exams so I guess I must get back to reading or googling 'related' things.
I feel like I use way too many commas.
This song and it's akward dancing is making me grin like an idiot. Also because skinny, bespectacled Erlend Øye reminds me too much of Queerfish whom I now miss terribly. Get well soon bhai. Tera dard mera dard.
Kings of Convenience are nice.
If Katy Perry posts one more tweet like "Fuck yeah America always here to save the dayyy!!" she's going to have a plane flying right into her teenage dream sending it up in flames. A little more tact please, US of A. We still don't like you.
It is six fucking fifty one the morning and I still can't sleep. Fifty three now. Fifty five as I'm thinking if there's something else to say but there isn't.
One of my committee members is a blue eyed Gramscian scholar whom everyone (apparently) has a crush on. i think I do too. but not that i want to do him, i just want him to like me. of course i want him to like me, so i can get stuff published, so yeah maybe i don't think he's sexy exactly, even though he is I guess...? i need to practice my statement-as-a-question more. always remember, real crushes trump academic crushes. i don't know why i'm telling you and the world all this.
ReplyDeleteI want to dress fancy and dance to a big swing band in the park (but only if we all still get to look important). I want to wear suits and walk in slow motion with the MI2 theme playing. I want to be in the Ganga, yo! I want to drink wine in my own house in the hills (WHY is there a tenant) I want hot Kumaoni men to lech at. I want all my friends! I want long aimless train journeys and 'smelling flowers' at night. I don't want to have to worry about if my hall ticket for JNU will come or not, or whether I'll get into Jamia or not or whether I should have applied to First City. Am I just weirdly optimistic or does it seem like the exams will work out? I just want them to end fast. So we can go back to normal non anxious times. Bhand times. And try to live out all the fantasies we concocted during exam time to keep ourselves sane!
ReplyDeleteNo I've been feeling like they won't be so bad also. 'Hum na kisiki bhi ma chod sakta hai, cause we're like so fun!'. hahah i can't stop laughing dude. I also want pizza and deejay to return. If you're listening man, COME BACK ALREADY! Btw we have to make a list of things to do, places to go.
ReplyDelete@sap I KNOW man. but academic crushes are like a fantasy. the minute you know your hot professor is a regular mortal then they vanish.
ReplyDeleteThe arts do come with those quills, the ones that give you the illusion of being up onto a pedestal. Even more so if you're creating something. The double thoughts of self prophesy and of genuine creative radicals.
ReplyDeleteQuoting myself, "Opinions take the shape of the phenomenon. They are right so often that they cannot be ignored. And wrong so often that you should not give into their darkness."
PS: i guess you have more of the art commentary left in you. Perhaps. (let it out)