Day is done

On the hungover happy morning of the 1st of January 2011 I made my first resolution. I said to my friends as everyone was sitting around debating theirs mindlessly- 'Bros! This year I'm going to be....smart.'.

Ironically enough, it was the stupidest thing anyone said all morning. 

At the Jaipur Literature festival, William Fiennes said that the only way to write is to record. Everything that happens to you everyday is significant, so write it down, no matter what time it is, where you are,or if you end up falling asleep on your notebook and waking up with ink on your face. 

So, last night after failing to buy his book on amazon cause of my non-possession of a credit card (Online shopping is a total farce. I have still not managed to pull off one single purchase), I remembered what he said and I went to get my journal- shrouded in a corner, looking dejected and dusty. 

Hesitatingly I opened it and with one eye covered looked at the last entry which made me cringe and laugh at the same time. 'I HATE him. but WHY can't I seem to get him out of my head. I can't believe he left me for that slut. I HATE boards i HATE my life'. 
(It was about four years back dudes, so don't judge)

Before that, about five years back was ' Today when I was coming down the stairs I ran into Ankit Jain(name changed) and he actually LOOKED at me. Also, I got highest in Geography!We're going to goa, but D and M broke up so we have to take sides so it might be weird. But the guys have begun to hang out with the A section and we(yuck) don't like it so we told them that they can't anymore. I didn't obviously, but Sukriti (name changed) did..'

Before that about six and a half years ago was 'OH MY GOD MY PEN IS SO GREEN AND SHINY LOOK! AND TODAY WAS SUCH A GOOD DAY IN SCHOOL WE PLAYED FOOTBALL WITH THE GUYS AND WE LOST BUT IT WAS SO MUCH FUN ANYWAYYYY. YAYYYY I LOVE SCHOOL IT RULZZZZZZZ!!! :) :)'. 

Thirteen was better. I wrote about my cousins, hide-n-seek, climbing up on the mango tree in my grandmother's house to get away and read, and the kittens in my garden.

I apologize for the preceeding paragraph of torture, but what I was trying to say is that every year I am becoming, in a nutshell, smart(er). No more crying over pretentious ex boyfriends, no more weird groups, no more 'I HATE my life', no more letting Sukriti boss you around,no more bouncing round like a tennis ball on ecstasy, no more baseless indulgence in all things trivial, no more absurd social stigma, and no more geography!! 

New years are now things I await rather than dread, with the hope that  I along with everything around me change with every coming moment, into something...better.

I also realized that I find it incredibly hard to write on paper anymore. We are a generation of writers(?) driven by thesaurus.com, google, youtube, and everyone else's virtual display of talent or otherwise, rather than the flow of the pen. 

Sir Philip Sidney said very simply, 'Fool," said my Muse to me, "look in thy heart, and write.'

But our hearts, and our minds, seem to be only on the computer screen.

Despite our constant rants of wanting to get away from the chaotic disarray of the city, Chunni and I escaped to Jaipur, another city. But chaos nowhere is as full fledged as Delhi, so it proved to be a great break. The Jaipur Literature Festival was fun, though nothing with spectacular impact. But we did go to an Irvine Welsh talk (!!). We jumped around when we saw him like hopeless fanboys and pretended that- 'usne humein dekha yaar. Phir usne smile bhi kiya. I think he likes us.'

And there's always hotel terraces,old monk and much getting stoned. We would talk about things transgressing mythologies, borders, and subjects, making connections with all and with ourselves, only not to remember absolutely nothing the next day BUT conclude that we are extremely profound(Hum kitne sahi hai). We would also grow happier with every baseless conversation- a result of a new drink and confirmation to 'hum kitne sahi hai'.

WHAT would the world be without deluded college students. 

Lalit Modi is one of the most important things that is wrong with our country. The guy is just an inside-out, absolutely unadulterated, prick.

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main48.asp?filename=Ne120211coverstory.asp

 We need to stop loving,hating or being afraid of chutiyas in power. 

I think it's time to bring out the bat-signal.

One of the things that I learnt at Tehelka, despite however cheesy a lesson it is, that being afraid is the battle lost altogether. T.Tejpal once said that 'You need to lay fear on the ground and walk all over it like it's your bitch'. 
The 'like it's your bitch' part is mine.


“What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!”
-William Wordsworth
I can't wait to study the romantics. And the ancient Greeks. (There's some fucked up shit going on with those guys,man!)


My professor to make class more interesting told us fun facts about Jacobean society in England of the early seventeenth century - 
Rats tails were a delicacy. And every time a woman committed verbal slander, which was basically speaking at all, she had to wear an iron mask that held her tongue down in her mouth.
Fun! 
Today I watched Black Swan which was genius. Natalie Portman along with being one of the most amazing,beautiful,talented women ever is a great dancer. 
I am searching for my lost love for dancing and the feeling that you have BECOME what and how you move. 
Now I am going to zone out and listen to Aqueous transmission and Nick Drake. 
I don't think there will ever be a successful recording of an Incubus concert behind all the girls(and boys) screaming. But what else can you do when god descends.
I want wine and cupcakes and waves crashing at my door.