All we wanted to do was have a girl's night in. (no, no one has pillow fights in their underwear)

It had been a hard day and my friend and I decided to eat lots of sweet things and watch a chick flick.

Like most women, I need my occasional dose of mush, and airy sentimental crap to keep me going.
Chick flicks are typically films that are heavy with emotion, contain themes that are relationship-based and are made and appreciated only by a woman audience-which of course, is a lie.

The opposite of a chick flick, is a dick flick. Dick flicks are usually about guys sharing their inner feelings with the world- having an erection when a cute girl smiles at you from across the cafe, fantasizing about your best friend's girl, not having a condom when a really hot girl throws herself at you, having an erection (get over that thing already, doods) when a the hot receptionist shakes your hand. Apart from erections and boobs, there are also drugs, usual stock market crashes and fast cars.

There are more good dick-flicks than chick-flicks. And nobody in chick-flicks smokes pot. Which is disappointing, and rather strange.

My friend insisted we watch The Back up Plan plan,starring JLo and hot-guy-who cannot act, recommended to us by her mother who laid its appeal in 'tum log ko achhi lagegi, tum bhi toh aise hi ho'.

Jlo, is a smart single girl in New York (true story) and is sick of being alone, single, smart and independent (shocking). Deciding that all men are scum, and there is no man that will ever accept her for the intimidating intelligent,independant woman that she is-she decides to get inseminated, and have a baby.

On the day she is injected with a strange random man's sperm, -she is walking down the roads of Brooklyn in sunny motherly glory, gets a cab and what does she see! A tall-blue eyed-hot guy who cannot act claiming it is his. After a brief argument with vivid sexual undertones, Jlo decides to be the big guy and give it to him (no, not like that, yet).

Hot guy follows Big (if you know what I mean) J all over town but she blows him off with a smile. The next day J runs into hotguy at a fair (?) and it is revealed that hotguy is infact, a cheese...err... maker. (FREAKIN UNREAL)

In two days, after a disaster date where they shower each other with water pipes and exchange extremely cheesy flirtatious, horrible jokes, they have fallen in love. They then go 'off for the weekend' and J blurts out that she is preggers. Hot guy obviously freaks out (jerk!) and JLo freaks out in return and begins to leave. But hotguy tells her he wants her no matter what. They live happily ever after for four months, as he gets hotter, and she gets fatter and unattractive. She has begun to stuff meat into her mouth like a freaking savage, run around throwing up all over his shoes, eat pretzels in bed, burp while they make out. (A woman DOES NOT turn into Gerard Butler when she's with child, man.) I kept waiting for her to scratch her balls.

BUT hot guy wants her no matter what.

In the middle it is revealed that J is having twins. Hot guy freaks out and makes a black married rapper friend in the playground who tells him how bad it's going to be to never 'feel her ass like that again'. In the middle of the of Big J turning into a tramp, and hot guy shitting his pants, the film brings in a birth scene. Basically, Big J is part of a single mothers support group which consists of loser ladies who are either fat, control freaks, lesbians but not ready to deal or husband killers. Hotguy and J as 'support' are forced to witness a childbirth, which is presented in the style of an African Voodoo ritual. As all these woman chant creepy shit and dance around, Big J falls into holy birth tub because she is dizzy. Hot guy is at the peak of freaking out and Jlo is soaked in birth water.

The next day the hot guy tells somebody that the babies 'aren't his' and J loses her mind. WHAT a jerk, dude. J spends the next month wallowing and being the independent woman she was until she realizes that she needs to start trusting people and 'letting them in'. So, on the day of her grandmother's wedding (AAAAAAA), her water breaks WHICH IS WHEN she decides it's time to find blue-eyed-boy.

Hot guy, though hurt goes back to her because like dude...no matter what, remember?

A famous person, I don't remember which, once said that you must write about your nightmares.

I could not think or breathe or move for about ten minutes after it ended. I had not laughed, or cried, but had just been merely aghast at the 2 hours of monstrosity that this movie had unfolded for me.

Sometimes when I sleep, I can still see the African birth ritual in my head and I wake up and my mind does not rest again.

It should have just been hot guy parading around with his shirt off in a sea of cheese.

And Jenny should really go back to the block.

Today I watched this film. It stars Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra and is easily one of the most predictable hindi films ever made. But I laughed, and cried, and felt a connection of either affection or sympathy or just 'oh he's such a loser but he's so sweet', with almost everyone in the film.

I feel like our cheesy romances are way better than theirs.

At least we don't put in gross crude shit or have weird mid-life crises, and the main dude is actually interested in the woman and not just her ass. And our music is kick-ass.

Now I think I have had my dose of occasional sentimental crap and I am going to go read.

My constant reference to Bollywood in first person is an effect of my deep bond with it.