Around 20 days ago I descended to underwater for the first time. I tried to creep into a coral and swam with sardines and I remember looking through my goggles and wondering how anything could be this beautiful.

I know with every passing moment that the city I used to once love and which I called mine is pushing me out of it. I cannot stay here any longer but I do not know what to do, where to go, if I can go somewhere else, what I will do there. I do not know anything and it's exhausting. All I have is bouts of elongated confused panic with a sort of determination to figure it out that surfaces at the end.