It's Saturday Night and I can't feel it getting hot. After making and re-making several plans with my friends for regular weekend getting drunk I still find myself on my chair looking at the computer for something exciting to happen.
Oh, but something exciting DID happen. 

My house has that automatic lock system-the kind of door that locks as soon as you shut it. So at least twice a month, me, my sister or my mom- whom I inherit my absent mindedness from-get locked out of the house. Mostly it happens because my dog makes a run for it as soon as he gets the chance and all three of us-after much screaming and blaming each other-run after him. Three women and a mad dog locked out of the house waiting for rescue.
In case of this very frequent occurrence, we leave a duplicate key in our neighbor's house. TWO pairs of keys actually. 
It happened again today. I was talking on my phone to some damned insurance policy caller when I walked out with my dog slamming my door behind me. Realizing immediately what I had done I called my mom telling her to return NOW because I was in a fix. 
My mother and my sister decided to let me 'learn a lesson' so it was me and my beagle-hand in paw-all alone against the world.
This isnt the exciting part.


We had to go look for a key dude but we only found a number. A total sport, keydude decided to abandon dinner( unlike my OWN mother) and come save me. He got along with him- UNIMAGINABLY HOT son plus assistant.  I don't even remember for how long I sat in the lobby of my house waiting for him to make a new key. But what I did know, is that I had fallen in love.
People tell me that I don't know real love, because it happens to me around in around ten minutes, almost every day. Goes as quickly too. The REAL lovers, the ones I've been with-were epic failures, the ten minute ones are the ones worth remembering. 
I had felt it before. It was the same sudden happiness and swooping in the stomach and non-existence of time. Ek pal mein zindagi sorts.
My sister immediately knew what I was doing and was rather indignant and said 'OMG man sharanya. you're totally G' 
G would be gross. Like J is jealous and R is radical/remarkable/raunchy. anything you like.
For some time no one said anything but then my mom decided to do her school teacher routine. She asked him if he was training to become a key maker and he told her confidently that he had mastered the art when he was ten and was now studying and working. My mom, a little embarrassed at realizing he had probably understood all the smart-ass comments she was making in English said 'very good beta.padhai tho karni chahiye'. He then told her a story of how he landed his job (He repairs printers. A printer-mechanic) which I KNEW was meant for me-listening keenly from the corner. My mother listened, polite and bored. She doesn't understand too much hindi and screams things that 'thok doongi!' on the road when anyone is pissing her off. She doesn't like to go with my usual 'chutiya' or 'kya hai'. She says it is inappropriate and not ladylike. 
He just sat there smiling at our strange happiness of being locked out of the house and my mad mother and my mad dog playing a mad game. And I sat there being rather obvious in my infatuation and hoping the door NEVER opens because when it does, his door will be shut forever. I asked them if they wanted water, tea even and pretended to not understand how to unlock the door so he taught me but stopped when his father-the key dude-gave me a murderous look that said 'stop pretending to be stupid bitch, i'm hungry.'
It sucks. Almost all the guys I meet are idiots. The usual recitation of philosophy, politics and drunk stories from here and there was NOTHING in comparison to the silent smiling of key dude's son. I mean sure, all the knowledge of Nietzsche, Shakespeare, and girls and drugs in Thailand is great but they just don't got it like he do.
Social stigma works in a lot of pissing-off ways.
Now he is gone back to his humble abode and I am still thinking about him in mine. I don't know how to explain it. WHICH is why I know it was true. 




I used to think fish were peaceful but after I got them I knew I was wrong. There is continuous war in my tank. Big fish does literally eat small fish.
I have three- a parrot, a jewel and a blue peacock. 
The peacock is about one a half times the size of the other two and spends all it's time chasing them. My parrot's tail now looks like a mowhawk and the jewel only stays in one corner avoiding him. He has also moved the plants around and dug himself a house in the gravel under the rock I have put in the fish tank, marking his territory but not letting anyone mark theirs.
And as I saw the parrot shivering with fear, and the jewel-fierce but small-shrouded in a corner looking most annoyed I realized something needed to do be done about this godforsaken big blue peacock.
There is no place for a tyrant even in a 3 feet by 2 feet world. 
And no, fish aren't boring or stupid. If you think that yours are, you probably have goldfish or some such or don't spend enough time with them.


I forgot to mention that the man with the key to my heart had arms like Achilles.